Episode #201: "Arts 'N Crass" (2/16/98)
Lawndale High is involved in a poster contest, "Student Life at the Beginning of the Millenium." Ms. Defoe encourages Jane to attend, and she enlists Daria to help her make the poster. Meanwhile, Jake is depressed due to his loss of a client, and Helen starts out supportive but turns meaner as the show goes on. Daria and Jane come up with a poster that shows a beautiful girl so obsessed with her looks, she turned to bulemia. The word "vomit" bothered Ms. Defoe, Mr. O'Neill, and Ms. Li. They try to get Daria and Jane to change it. When Daria and Jane protest, and refuse to change it, the administration calls up Daria and Jane's parents. This proves to no avail. Mr. O'Neill cuts a deal with Daria and Jane- he'd change the poem around, and if they didn't like it, they could withdraw the poster from the contest. Of course, Daria and Jane hate his changes- he made it into a positive poem as opposed to a negative one- so they tell Mr. O'Neill and Ms. Li that they want to withdraw the poster from the contest. Ms. Li goes over Mr. O'Neill's head and enters the poster anyway. This angers Daria and Jane, who've taken a "Screw the System" approach. They go to the school board meeting where the posters are being shown and deface their own work. The next day, Daria and Jane are busted by Ms. Li. During a phone call to Helen, Helen accuses Ms. Li of violating the girls' civil liberties and gets ready to slap the school with a lawsuit. Ms. Li drops everything. In the end, Brittany's poster wins the contest.
Episode #202: "The Daria Hunter" (2/23/98)
Lawndale High is taking an interdisciplinary field trip to Joe's Paintballing Jungle for a trip to study war. Because Quinn couldn't keep her mouth shut, Helen and Jake find out about the trip. They eventually come along so they can seem interested in their daughters' lives. The teachers in attendance are Ms. Li, Mr. O'Neill, Mr. DeMartino, and Ms. Barch. On the bus, Quinn and the Fashion Club promise never to shoot each other. Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie swear to take a bullet for Quinn. Kevin, Brittany, Jodie, and Mack try to play a word game, but Kevin gets it all screwed up as usual. Daria and Jane, as to be expected, do not want to come. Instead, they busy themselves watching for a tourist trap called "Gret White Shark." When they finally arrive, the teams split up, and while Mr. O'Neill leads the Red team in a feelings circle, Brittany assumes the role of brutal mercenary on the Blue team. They all break up and begin shooting. Jane is taken out at the beginning. Helen confronts Daria, and is ready to shoot her when her cel phone rings with a call from Eric. Brittany takes out Kevin and Mr. DeMartino in this super-flip thing that she did. Meanwhile, Quinn, Stacy, and Tiffany are talking in a bunker. When Jodie moves away, they see Sandi- whom Quinn mistakes for Daria and promptly pelts with paintballs. Sandi retaliates and hits Quinn, Stacy, and Tiffany. They apologize, but it's obvious that Sandi and Quinn are still pissed. Jane and Daria reunite and start walking to see the Great White. It begins to rain. Helen and Ms. Li take up a tent together and discuss ageism. Ms. Barch and Mr. O'Neill take a tent, and Mr. O'Neill is being his usual sensitive self, as Ms. Barch vents (she'd been victimizing all the men for the entire trip). Jake stumbles upon Mr. DeMartino, and they share a bottle of booze that Jake had as they discuss their tortured lives as military school students. Daria and Jane arrive at the Great White, only to find that it is a shark tooth surrounded by merchandise. The woman behind the counter starts telling them about the legend of the Great White, with one catch- it's the story of the movie Jaws. Back at the paintballing jungle, Quinn and her groupies are playing 'spin the gun,' and Tiffany assures Staci that she is much cuter than Quinn. Moments later, Tiffany tells Quinn that Quinn is much cuter than Sandi. Sandi and Quinn are determined to shoot each other, and keep catching each other in the sights of their paintball guns. The rain lets up, and Daria and Jane head back to the paintball jungle. In Helen and Ms. Li's tent, they get in a fight over Daria's attitude- where it came from, specifically. In Jake and Mr. DeMartino's tent, they're completely drunk, and sharing stories about their unfeeling parents. In Ms. Barch and Mr. O'Neill's tent, Ms. Barch realizes that Mr. O'Neill is a man who has sensitive feelings- and she promptly jumps his bones. Helen finds Jake and DeMartino, Daria and Jane return, and everyone boards the buses to go home. Ms. Barch and Mr. DeMartino appear, disheveled. As the buses pull away, Sandi appears from inside a foxhole, and tries to chase the buses down, but as in a scene from Platoon (which there are several references to, as well as the movies Apocalypse Now and The Deer Hunter) she is left, prostrate in a mudhole, abandoned by her team- with Quinn and Stacy well aware of her plight.
Episode #203: "Quinn The Brain" (3/2/98)
Quinn's failing English, so Mr. O'Neill tells her that she has to put in a lot of effort on her next essay or she'll flunk. After unsuccessfully trying to bribe Daria to write the essay for her, she turns down a date (with a guy who has a really irritating voice) and writes an essay called "Academic Imprisonment." Mr. O'Neill loves it, and he reads it in front of the class. Suddenly, adults (especially Helen and Jake) begin to recognize Quinn as a brain, and this irks Daria. Why should Quinn get all the attention for one essay when Daria had been producing consistently good writing? At any rate, Quinn's essay is published in the school paper, the Lawndale Lowdown, and Quinn begins to become a brain. Mr. O'Neill signs Kevin up to be tutored by Quinn, later to also sign Daria up to be tutored. Quinn as a brain writes bad poetry, begins to dress in all black, and decides that being a brain is en vogue. Other people start to follow her, and Daria becomes increasingly disenfranchised. The Fashion Club and Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie want the old Quinn back. Daria, in a depressed state due to the current situation, cuts a deal with JJ&J to get the old Quinn back. Daria dresses up as Quinn- that's right, Daria donned a pink baby tee, fit 'n' flare jeans, and lots of makeup- and had Jx3 come over and ask her out in front of Quinn. Quinn sees where she went wrong, and returns to her usual ways, as does Daria.
Episode #204: "I Don't" (3/9/98)
Daria's cousin Erin is getting married, and the Morgendorffer clan is heading to Leeville to attend the ceremony- which Daria and Quinn are to be bridesmaids in. Daria and Jane go to the bridal shop to try on Daria's dress, which doesn't fit. Daria is insulted by the woman at the shop. She and Jane see Brittany and Jodie there trying on dresses (they're to be models) for the Lawndale High School bridal expo, to benefit extracurricular activities. Just when it can't get any worse, Quinn comes out of the dressing room looking as beautiful as ever. Helen is angry because she thinks that her sister Rita (Erin's mother) is her mother's favorite, and that she is funding Erin's wedding. Jake is mad because Helen won't let him play golf at the resort. When they arrive, Helen and Ritan begin competing, and Jake meets up with Rita's new beau, who was a childhood friend of Jake's. The recurring comment is that Daria had a different dress than the other bridesmaids, since hers didn't fit as well. Helen's other sister Amy arrives, full of contempt and sarcastic comments. Daria is very impressed. Amy looks like a svelter, grown up Daria. Back at LHS, the expo is going on. Kevin and Mack are attending, even though Brittany told Kevin not to show up. A ring seller takes Kevin and Mack for a gay couple. They are accordingly shocked. At the wedding, Daria and Quinn meet their escorts- Daria's, a monotone boy with an afro, and Quinn's, a good-looking socialite. During the ceremony, Daria is (of course) disaffected, while everyone else is emotional, save Amy, who is scornful of the whole production. After the ceremony, Helen starts to drink, and drink, and drink, while Jake is becoming jealous of Rita's new beau. Daria makes up lies to satisfy the shallow minds of the other bridesmaids (she's an exotic dancer, it only takes 3 months to complete the space program, etc.) while Quinn is being hit on by the minister. Meanwhile, at Lawndale, Upchuck is announcing the show. Kevin is sleeping, and when Brittany comes out, he drops his drink, looks like he wet himself, and makes an ass of himself and Mack. As we return to the wedding, Daria meets Erin's husband Bryan, a good-looking, self absorbed chauvenist. Daria is unimpressed, and heads to the ladies' room. On the way, she sees the minister and Quinn. Inside the ladies' room, Daria meets up with Amy, who's ready to blow off. They talk a bit, and then Amy puts on glasses just like Daria's, which makes them look very similar. They decide to sneak out of the wedding and get some cheese fries, which they end up finding at a bowling alley...where they also find Bryan, the groom. As they leave the wedding, Helen, Rita, Jake, Roger, and Erin are all fighting with each other. Quinn's escort has gone off to find her, and gets in a fistfight over Quinn with the minister. Daria and Amy briefly discuss Helen as a child, then talk about life and how it sucks. At Lawndale, Kevin and Brittany fight, then make up when Kevin buys her a huge bunch of flowers. Jodie and Mack are sick of the whole thing. As we return to the wedding once more, the fights are over. Helen and Rita are sobbing and telling each other, "I love you," Jake is hitting the links by flashlight, Quinn is talking to her escort, and the minister is hitting on one of the bridesmaids. All in all, a great night.
Read the transcript of this episode!
Courtesy of Josh Harris.
Episode #205: "That Was Then, This Is Dumb" (3/16/98)
Helen and Jake's friends from the '60s are coming to visit. Daria and Quinn do not want to be there, so Daria cuts out and goes to Jane's, where they find Trent and Jesse listening to old vinyl that the Lanes elder would like them to sell at a flea market. Jane suggests they go, and they do. Daria spends the night at Jane's house. Quinn stays behind, since Willow and Coyote (the friends) have a cute son named Ethan, who's more like Daria. Jane tells Daria that this is good, since she can spend some quality time with Trent. At the Morgendorffer's, Quinn hits on Ethan constantly, and Willow and Coyote comment on how much Helen and Jake have changed while they eat whole-grain food. Helen is horribly bored. At the flea market the next morning, Daria and Jane set up while Trent and Jesse sleep, since they stayed up all night as opposed to waking up early. Sales are slow, and Jane makes some comments about Daria staring at Sleeping Trent. Upchuck shows up and tries to show Daria and Jane salesman skills, which fail as he tries to sell to Mr. DeMartino. Back at the Morgendorffer's, Jake wants to get back to his roots, and subsequently stops shaving, and Helen is still her old self. Quinn can't get a response from Ethan, who only wants to sleep. At the flea market, Jane sends Trent and Daria off for some sodas. Trent pays for Daria, and they chat about how dumb it is to be stuck in the '60s. They seem somewhat equally interested in each other. Jesse and Jane leave the booth in the hands of Upchuck and get some sodas for themselves. As Jane talks Jesse's ear off, Jesse is hardly interested. Daria and Trent rejoin Jesse and Jane, and return to the booth which has been ransacked due to Upchuck's negligence. Upchuck was visiting the used magazine booth with Mr. DeMartino. At the Morgendorffer's, as Jake and Coyote work on the engine of Coyote's VW Bug, Coyote tells Jake that he's sick of being stuck in the '70s, and wants to learn golf and business skills. As Helen and Willow work on a compost pile in the backyard, Willow tells Helen that she's sick of hand-kneading bread and wants to update herself. All of this is done while the four are drinking some of Coyote and Willow's hand-bottled berry juice. Quinn and Ethan leave to get a Slushy Cup, and Ethan dryly notes that the berry juice fermented. Daria returns home in the Tank, and when she gets back, she is to be punished, but Daria uses the information that Quinn got out of Ethan about Helen and Jake to blackmail them and get out of punishment. Willow, Coyote, Ethan, and their dog Leary #3 all leave. Ethan calls Quinn cute in a shallow way. She is thrilled. Helen gives Willow her breadmaker, and Jake taught Coyote some business skills to make their hammock sales better.
Episode #206: "Monster" (3/23/98)
Jake digs up a bin full of old home movies, and as he is preparing to show them to the family, Quinn and Daria make hasty departures. Daria and Jane go to see a foreign film, and due to inclement weather, are driven home by Mr. O'Neill. On the way, Mr. O'Neill decides from talking to Daria and Jane about the film that the perfect assignment for his English class would be to make a movie themselves. Daria and Jane work together, and unsuccessfully try to make several different types of movies, including a tree-cam, a clay puppet theatre (which is squelched when Trent walks by and sees Daria making funny voices and faces) and a couple of other ideas. Finally, when Quinn asks Daria if she can borrow some clothes to wear to a "Fashion Don'ts" party, Daria and Jane decide to make their film a documentary of Quinn - a day in the life of Lawndale High's attractive and popular poster girl. They follow Quinn through her morning routine, a day at school, and an afternoon guy-exploitation/trip to the mall. As they follow Quinn, Daria and Jane get an idea of what it's like to be shallow. Quinn fires Daria and Jane after she has a conniption about the size of her pores. Daria has strange dreams that she and Jane have become the Fashion Club (which includes disconcerting shots of Daria and Jane in middy tops), and she gets up at 4 AM to find Jake sitting on the couch, watching and re-watching over and over a video of him learning to ride a bike. Meanwhile, Jodie, Mack, Kevin and Brittany are shooting a documentary of striking grocery store workers after a failed attempt at a Brittany-Kevin lovey scene. Brittany has a Ho-Ho craving, and Kevin gets beat up as he tries to cross the picket lines. Back with Daria and Jane, they are trying to edit the Quinn videotape. Initially, Daria is going to completely humiliate Quinn, but then Quinn gives a heartfelt soliloquy on how Daria is good at reading and writing, Jane is good at her "little" paintings, and she is good at being attractive and popular- and everyone needs something to be good at. So, Daria decides to be merciful and only show a semi-unflattering video of Quinn. When they show it at school, however, everyone starts to look up to Quinn, and instead of knocking her down, the video actually made Quinn more popular. As Jane says in the end, "We're artists, you know? And this is how we screw ourselves."
Episode #207 "The New Kid" (3/30/98)
Jodie persuades Daria to join the yearbook because they need a new photo person. When she finally decides to go ahead and join, she meets the photo editor- a new student named Ted DeWitt-Clinton. Ted, albeit having a really annoying voice, is a pretty harmless guy who takes a liking to Daria. Ted likes stuff like classical music and literature, which makes him a perfect match for Daria. They decide that it would be a good idea to cut the clubs and sports from the yearbook and make space for pages about the humanitarian deeds of students. The adviser, Mr. DeMartino, agrees, and the pages are cut. This causes an uproar among the rest of the staff and the Fashion Club and Kevin and Brittany. Daria goes over to Ted's house, and while there, discovers that he is hopelessly stuck in the past- he's never seen TV, or chewed gum, and his couch is made of Georgia Pine ("It's very soft.") and his family grows corn and soybeans in the yard. Daria thinks he's weird yet endearing. Helen, Jake, and Quinn think that Ted's a member of a cult, especially after his parents come over to yell at the Morgendorffers for letting Daria give Ted gum. Jane thinks that Ted and Daria are a couple as well, and Daria admits that she's warming up to Ted. Every time she thinks Ted's 'normal,' he does something like give her a handmade necklace. When he gives her the necklace, Daria gives it back to him and tells Ted that she wants to keep their relationship a purely platonic working relationship. In the meantime, Helen and Jake bribed Quinn with web page software and a new pair of shoes to set Daria up with one of her friends. Daria agrees to double-date with the guy. She has a horrible time, and Robert (the set-up guy) uses the opportunity to try to get clubs and sports back in the yearbook. Disgusted, Daria walks home. The next day Daria decides that she wants to get back to a more than friends relationship with Ted. She goes to talk to him about it, and he blows her off, calling her shallow -like Quinn. Daria thinks it over and chats with Jane, then gets Ted to go out for pizza with her. Ted's also never had pizza. Over the pizza, they have several 'cute' awkward moments. After pizza, they go to the arcade and do some virtual reality in a castle setting. However, Robert (the guy Daria was set up with) and his friends are at the arcade and decide to follow Daria and Ted around and screw with them. They get in the virtual reality setting, and the three guys swordfight with Ted. All the guys love it, and Daria gets sick of waiting. She leaves the virtual reality center and waits, to no avail. She goes home alone. That same night, Ms. Barch confronts Mr. DeMartino and kicked the crap out of him, since she is not only the sponsor of the Science Club, she's also the leader of the Lawndale Women's self defense group. The next day, Ted is hanging out with Robert and his friends, completely ignoring Daria. Daria resigns from the yearbook after Mr. DeMartino tells her that the pages for sports and clubs are being added again. Daria claims it's an ethics violation. Quinn has one of the cute tech-heads at school make her web page for her, and it gets 2500 hits in 3 hours. Daria then gives Quinn some real hits of her own.
Episode #208 "Gifted" (6/29/98)
Daria and Jodie are selected to be candidates for Grove Hills Gifted Academy, a chichi prep school for gifted kids. Helen has to bribe the entire family to go along with the trip. Quinn is told that she can't stay home alone, so she goes to stay with Sandi. Daria and Jodie ride with the Morgendorffers to the school. Upon arrival they are introduced to the smart kids and seem to form an initial kinship with them. Back in Lawndale, Quinn is staying with Sandi. Sandi and Quinn start fighting because they are too competitive with each other and Sandi kicks Quinn out. Quinn goes to stay with Tiffany, but gets sick of how self-absorbed Tiffany is. When Quinn tells Tiffany off, she kicks Quinn out. Quinn's next destination is Stacy's house. However, Stacy turns out to be a total kissass who basically wants to become Quinn. In desperation, she leaves and goes to stay with the Lanes. Jane is initially apprehensive, but she lets Quinn stay after Quinn admits that she's scared to stay home alone. Quinn is further disaffected because neither Trent nor Jane will pay any special attention to her. At the school, the Landons (Andrew and Michelle for those who are counting) meet the Morgendorffers, and sparks fly as the Landons are far more successful and stable than the Morgendorffers. Jake is jealous of Andrew's success, brains, and son. Helen, whilst talking to Michelle, keeps ending up with her foot in her mouth. Jodie talks Daria into giving some of the kids from the gifted school a chance (they have typical 'gifted' names like Lara, Cassidy, and Graham) and they end up being as stuck up and self-absorbed as the kids at Lawndale. After Jodie tells them off and Daria adds to it, Jodie rants a bit about being expected to be some sort of African-American role model in a nonintegrated school such as Lawndale High. Daria and Jodie commiserate a bit about how they would like to be in each other's shoes. They return home, both deciding to stay at Lawndale High for their own reasons. Jane dumps Quinn off on Daria and the next day, all is back to normal.